Q:  What do mathematicians call a model of climate change?  

A: An algorithm!

Q How many low energy lightbulbs does it take to change a person?

A:  Do you mean watt number in my own ohm?

A: One or more would improve my current account!   

A: Just one but the person has to be switched on.

Patient:  Doctor, Doctor, can you recycle this faulty watch?

Doctor:  No, I don't deal with second-hand complaints

Knock! Knock!

Who's There?

Ringmer

Ringmer who?

Ringmer neighbours and tell them they can make a difference.

A camping expedition got lost, and spent several weeks hiking over snow-covered peaks, across flower-strewn alpine meadows, and fording sparkling, trout-filled brooks, until finally an automobile junkyard flanked by a smelly mountain of old tyres appeared around the bend. "At last", gasped the expedition leader, "civilization."

The wildlife section

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Well I didn't!"

A baby polar bear asks his mother if he is 100% polar bear. "Of course you are, I am 100% polar bear, your father is 100% polar bear, so you are 100% polar bear." Still not assured, the baby polar bear asks his father. "Of course you're 100% polar bear. My mother and father were 100% polar bear and your mother's parents were 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear."

"Why do you wonder if you're 100% polar bear?"

"Cause I'm absolutely freezing!!!!"